Secrets and Lies
by Pekko
Summary: A secret of Kathryn's is revealed to Chakotay shortly after returning home. J/C with flashbacks to J/Riker, J/Tighe, and J/Mark. EDITED!


Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, except for Connor, in this case, and I'm certainly not making any money off of this. In actuality, the characters, setting, ships, etc, belong to Paramount. No copyright infringement is intended.

Rating: R for strong language and references to sex.

_Kathryn quickly stalked out of The Potemkin's sickbay and stormed down the corridor, swiftly heading to the turbolift. As the doors closed, she forced herself to hold in her tears and barked out the needed deck number. She rushed out of the door and made her way to her destination and stabbed her fingers on the keypad by the door. Upon hearing the man inside grant her entrance, she nearly ran through the doors._

_"You bastard!" Kathryn yelled._

_William Riker raised his eyebrow questioningly. "I beg your pardon?"_

_"You heard me!"_

_Will stood up, placing his book on the table and walking over to the fuming woman standing just inside his quarters. He placed his hands on her arms and looked into her face._

_"What's wrong, Kathryn?"_

_She shook herself from his grasp and glared at him. "You got me pregnant, Will!"_

_Riker felt like he was about to fall down…or throw up, neither of which were very appealing. He swung dizzily and stumbled backwards until the backs of his knees bumped his chair. He sat down gratefully. "How?"_

_"You dragged me to your quarters and got me drunk three days ago and fucked me on your dinner table, Riker!"_

_Will shot up from his chair and grasped her upper arms again, this time in a more forceful grip. "Are you insinuating something?" He shouted loudly, shaking her._

_Kathryn struggled against his hands but he was of superior strength and she submitted to glaring at him for all she was worth. "You all but raped me! I said no!"_

_"I didn't rape you!" Riker yelled, pushing the small woman away from him. "You were screaming my name over and over again! You may have said no at first but you were saying yes by the time I was done."_

_"You're an asshole, Riker," she hissed. "You're a fucking pig. Now we both have to deal with the consequences."_

_"Both? We are not dealing with this together, Kathryn. Let's get that straight. I don't want this baby, I don't want it! You leave the Potemkin or get rid of it!"_

_"Will, it's your child too!"_

_"I don't want this baby," he yelled, "don't you understand?"_

_"Will! I can't do this alone," she screeched, her tears overflowing and spilling onto her face._

_"I'm not going to raise it with you so it's best you find someone who will. Why don't you just go crawling after Justin like you always do?"_

_"But Will, this is your child!" Kathryn screeched._

_"I don't give a fuck!" He bellowed, advancing on her. "Now get out!"_

_Tearfully, Kathryn quickly fled his quarters._

***

They were home. Thank the Spirits, they were home.

The crew of the USS _Voyager_ returned to Earth after seven years fleeing, fighting, and strolling through the Delta Quadrant. They were given a hero's welcome and the Maquis and Equinox crews were given both pardons and options to remain in the fleet. Many stayed, and others did not.

Admiral Janeway's presence on _Voyager_ had been both a curse and a blessing. A blessing because they finally had the opportunity to make it back to the safety of the Alpha Quadrant, yet a curse because the woman revealed disturbing secrets that ultimately split he and Kathryn apart.

Chakotay was sure that driving him away from Kathryn was not the Admiral's plan when she was telling of her future, their future. In fact, he believed the opposite. He thought that perhaps the Admiral was trying to urge them to finally take that step and become lovers. She wanted to make sure that he and Seven would never become involved and never get married.

Perhaps, if she had come a week earlier, two, it would have worked. Chakotay moved on after seven years, finally giving up on the woman he loved, yet it turned out to be a huge mistake, a fatal one in Admiral Janeway's timeline. However, her plan turned awry.

The blame could only lie upon him and Kathryn. They were too stubborn to listen to the older woman; they didn't want other people to tell them what to do. Chakotay is an adult, he can think for himself. Their pride turned out to be a major fault.

***

_Kathryn rung the chime to Justin's temporary apartment and fidgeted nervously as she waited for the doors to slide open. Her mind involuntarily drifted to the last few, hectic weeks._

_Her previous posting, The Al-Batani, had been temporarily decommissioned after her first mission and was already going through retrofitting. Justin had been able to get a quick transport out from the station to Earth because of his involvement with The Rangers but Kathryn was stuck with hitching along with The Potemkin as they headed back to Starfleet Headquarters._

_She was quickly startled out of her reverie when the door slid open and Justin Tighe, her fiancé of nearly four months, smiled down at her._

_"Kath, I've missed you so much," he said, pulling her into his apartment. Gathering her into his arms, Justin drew his head down for a gentle kiss._

_"I never want to do that again," he said softly, resting his chin on her shoulder._

_Kathryn clung to Justin uncomfortably. They had separated temporarily for several weeks, and their duties on the Al-Batani rarely gave them any time alone to reconcile with each other or just have another round of mindless sex. Also, coupled with the required maintenance schedule and the transports, it had been nearly two months since they had last seen each other._

_Justin leaned down and brushed a second kiss against Kathryn's trembling lips. He slowly maneuvered her down the hallway, towards his bedroom._

_Kathryn broke the kiss and put a hand on his chest. "Justin, we need to talk."_

_His mouth brushed hers again. "Baby, we can talk later, let's go in the bedroom. I want to show you how much I missed you." He grinned down at her and rubbed his hands along her body._

_"Justin, no, we need to talk," Kathryn said gravely._

_His green eyes were quickly shadowed with concern and, though he wouldn't admit it, fear. "What's going on, Kat?"_

_She took his hand and led him over to his couch, taking a seat and patting the cushion beside her, indicating he should join her. Once he was sitting, his arm around her shoulder and a hand on her thigh, Kathryn took a deep breath and clasped his fingers in hers._

_"Justin, I'm pregnant…"_

_His face was transfixed in a mixture of horror, shock and even, what seemed like, dejection. "You're pregnant…" he whispered hoarsely._

_Kathryn nodded silently, solemnly. Almost ashamed, she averted her gaze, looking down._

_"How far along are you?"_

_Tears sprung to her eyes and Kathryn chewed on her lip. "About three weeks…"_

_The surprise was obvious in Justin's eyes; they widened severely and question swam within their emerald depths. "It's not mine?" His voice was soft and urgent._

_Kathryn shook her head, closing her eyes and feeling the tears spill over and onto her cheeks._

_Justin wrenched his hands away and shot up from the couch, angrily kicking at the coffee table at his feet, using it as a distraction to not strike Kathryn instead. The contents rattled dangerously and his coffee mug rolled off the table, spilling its contents on the floor; it went unnoticed by either of them._

_"You fucking whore!"_

_"Please, Justin…" Kathryn said in a husky voice, standing up._

_"You couldn't even wait two months!" Justin yelled, gripping her upper arms, shaking her violently. "How could you do that?"_

_Kathryn broke down into tears again and collapsed onto the couch. Justin was panting over her, his fists clenched and his face red with anger._

_"You're getting rid of it."_

_Kathryn looked up, horrified. "What?"_

_"You heard me," he growled, "You aren't keeping it! I don't want your bastard!"_

_Kathryn stood and glared at him through watery eyes. "Screw this, I don't need you."_

_As she was storming to the door, he called out to her, his footsteps right behind._

_"Where the hell do you think you're going, Kathryn?" He took her upper arm again and forced her to turn around and face him._

_"My quarters," she said defiantly. "I have to call my mother and tell her what's going on. And I have to get away from you."_

_"No!" He yelled, "You aren't going to tell anyone about this baby! No one is going to know about it! You just have to…get rid of it!"_

_"Justi-"_

_He pulled her closer, his fingers curling round her arms and digging into her tender skin. "Do you really want your parents to know what a whore you are? What about your father? Do you want him to know his little Golden Bird is a slut? Do you want him to know you spread your legs for another man, fucked him behind your fiance's back?" He whispered in her face, his eyes narrowed._

_Kathryn had always loved Justin's eyes; such a deep, emerald green with flecks of the lightest hazel, and, within them, an air of confidence and experience. But now, she hated them, yet couldn't tear her gaze away. They shone with malice and hatred and disgust, towards her, towards her baby. She could swear they were evil._

_Slowly, Kathryn shook her head and looked down at her feet, again, ashamed._

_"Good girl," he said quietly. "Now, let's get you to Sickbay to take care of this…thing."_

_Kathryn's head shot up and she shook herself out of her blind obedience. "This child is not a thing, he is a human being! He never did anything wrong, he's innocent! I was wrong to do what I did, but it isn't the baby's fault…"_

_Justin seemed to hesitate. "He? It's a boy?"_

_A small spark of hope flamed within her. She gave a watery, pained smile. "I'm not sure…the doctor didn't tell me, but I can feel it. I know this baby is a boy."_

_Justin stared at her for several long moments, almost tenderly, which was a rare occurrence under even normal circumstances. She forced herself to cling to her last vestiges of hope even as his face hardened._

_"You can go through with the pregnancy," he allowed, dropping his hands from her arms, not noticing the red marks on her delicate skin. She doubted he'd care anyway._

_Kathryn clutched at him, a new film of tears in her eyes. "I can? You'll let me?"_

_Justin shook off her hands and glared down at her. "Then you're going to give it away."_

***

Things between Chakotay and Kathryn had been strained ever since he told her of his relationship with Seven of Nine –one that ended quite quickly. After the break up, he had tried several times to contact Kathryn yet was never met with her words, of anger or love. He'd take either at this point.

After snooping around for nearly three weeks, Chakotay found her current address, not too far from her childhood home in Indiana. He had told the transport center to drop him off around a mile away from the house, not wanting to frighten her had he appeared on her porch and he needed some time to think.

Upon entering his relationship with Seven of Nine, Chakotay knew that he may lose a part of his friendship with Kathryn, if not the whole thing. But after seven years of waiting, he was done. He couldn't stand by the woman he loved and not have his feelings reciprocated for the rest of his life, so he moved on. Chakotay forced himself to limit their contact to only on-duty hours. There were no more quiet lunches, intimate dinners, stolen glances or touches that just passed the line of friendship. No more harmless flirting. He completely cut himself off.

What he got was misery. Seven was a poor substitute for what he truly wanted. Though of course she had a great figure and was fairly pretty, he didn't like her. He tried to become friends with her and tried to enjoy the things that made her unique; her deadly preciseness, the way she never minced words, even if it hurt…She only made him more and more uncomfortable.

Hell, she wasn't a good lay either. He knew that she was a virgin and was, of course, excited to be her first. Chakotay had taken quite a few women's virginity in the past and was looking forward to doing so again.

What he had planned to be an evening of seduction with words of love, was a clumsy coupling of two disparate body parts. Seven thought of sex as everything else she thought of: mechanically, scientifically. To her, making love was fitting the genitals together and that was as far as it got.

Chakotay grew tired of trying to pleasure her; she seemed to resist his actions, as if she didn't want to enjoy sex. He more or less used her body to jack himself off after weeks of sexually frustrating nights together.

Chakotay knew that he loved Kathryn; he had since he first laid eyes on her. Now, he just had to tell her.

***

_"Come on, Lieutenant," Doctor Nadia Jenson said, "You need to push."_

_"I can't push anymore," Kathryn screeched._

_Kathryn had been in labor for more than six hours and was completely exhausted. She was at the final stretch, the head was beginning to emerge, but Kathryn couldn't seem to find the strength to get the little one into the world._

_"You have to, Kathryn. Come on now, on the count of three: one, two, three."_

_Kathryn reared up and gritted her teeth, pushing for all she was worth. She couldn't even hear the doctor anymore; her heart was pounding in her ears and her breath came in harsh pants._

_"Okay Kathryn, you did it, we've got him," the doctor said joyfully, cutting the umbilical cord carrying the child to a cleaning table._

_She grabbed a towel from a nearby rack and began to wash the blood and other sticky fluids off the newborn._

_The doctor paused in her work. The baby wasn't moving, wasn't making any noises. He was a premature baby by several weeks, she knew that. She also knew that this was the Lieutenant Commander's first child and that she was awfully tiny and usually underweight, not trying too hard to take care of her own body._

_Nadia reached for the tricorder, afraid of its news._

_"I need a nurse in here stat!" she yelled in the direction of the doors. Oh God, he isn't breathing…_

_Kathryn woke several hours later, alone in the recovery ward, save for one solitary nurse working in the corner of the room. Looking around, Kathryn could not find her baby._

_The last thing she could remember was hearing that the boy was not breathing, not moving and unlikely to survive. They had whisked him away and she hadn't seen him since. She must have fallen asleep._

_"Excuse me, ma'am," Kathryn croaked to the woman at the counter, who, at the sound of Kathryn's voice, turned. "Is…is he okay?"_

_The nurse's face was solemn, grave. She slowly shook her head. "He isn't going to live through the night, dear."_

_Kathryn felt the tears cascade down her cheeks in heavy torrents. Heaving sobs wracked her small body and she did her best to contain them. After several minutes of inconsolable crying, she sniffed and eyed the doctor once more, the wetness still on her cheeks._

_"Can I see him?"_

_"Oh, I'm sorry sweetheart, but you can't. You aren't well enough to walk and we can't bring him in here; he's on life support. I think it's best you don't."_

_Kathryn collapsed on the bed, her tears once again streaming down her face and she wept silently, the bed shaking in time. Her baby boy…_

***

In just half an hour's time, Chakotay reached the front yard of a comfortably small home owned by the famed Kathryn Janeway. The lawn was well manicured, the porch furnished and there seemed to be a garden in the backyard. His feet crunched in the gravel as he strolled down the walkway, towards the entrance.

Chakotay knocked on the sturdy wood door. There were several thumps of footsteps and clicks of the door unlocking. A boy in his late teens opened the door and eyed Chakotay warily.

"Yes?"

Chakotay was slightly taken aback yet quickly recovered. "I thought Kathryn Janeway lived here…"

The young man nodded. "She does."

Chakotay looked on expectantly but when he realized there was no more information forthcoming, he continued. "Could I see her?"

The boy slowly opened the door further. "Sure, please, come in."

Once inside, the teenager quickly bounded to what Chakotay guessed was Kathryn's office, knocking on the door and announcing she had a visitor.

Kathryn strode through the doorway to the living area where Chakotay stood, a bright smile on her face. When she spotted him, the grin was wiped clear off.

"Chakotay…" she breathed. "What are you doing here?"

He smiled and slowly walked up to her, gently taking her petite hands in his. "I wanted to see you, Kathryn. It's been a while."

Chakotay was again caught off guard but this time, it was by no boy. Kathryn had launched herself at him, clinging to him. Chakotay quickly wrapped his arms around the small woman and pressed her against him, inhaling her scent, enjoying the feel of her body pressed tightly against his. His hands were first grasping her waist, but soon found her hips and he pulled her flush against him, tempted to slide his hands over her buttocks.

"I missed you so much," she whispered huskily in his ear.

Chakotay shivered at the tone of her voice. Her voice was like whiskey and sounded like a sensual woman reuniting with her lover. He forced his body under control.

Kathryn smirked into Chakotay's shoulder as she felt his groin stiffening. She ran her fingers through his hair and squeezed his shoulder, lifting her head to look up at him. His eyes were nearly black and filled with desire.

Chakotay slowly lowered his head and met his lips with Kathryn's. Her lips were soft and they opened for him, allowing his tongue to slip inside the warmth of her beautiful mouth. Chakotay groaned loudly as his tongue slid around Kathryn's, both entwining before playing once again in a hopefully never ending game.

Kathryn broke the kiss, gasping for breath and resting her head on Chakotay's sturdy chest. "I love you, Chakotay."

He smiled and nuzzled her hair. "I love you too, Kathryn." _Well, that was easier than I thought._

***

_Newly promoted Captain Kathryn Janeway sighed as she flopped down onto her couch in her San Francisco apartment. Her promotion party had taken a huge amount of energy and all she wanted to do was take a long, hot bath._

_Kathryn slowly hoisted herself up and began walking in the direction of her bedroom. On the way, she passed her desk and noticed that her monitor was flashing; some sort of an alert. With curiosity, she sat down, activated the screen and checked the reminder:_

_12 JUNE, 2360_

_Kathryn slumped back into her chair, astonished. Today was her son's birthday. How could she have forgotten? She had remembered every year for eleven years._

_It was quickly discovered her son was not breathing when he was born, and he was taken to a critical care unit and Kathryn had never seen him again. She had thought about creating a small plot for the infant in the cemetery in Bloomington, but not even her family knew of the child and just as she was seriously considering it, she was shipped out on the Terra Nova mission._

_After her father's and Justin's death, she had looked for anything that could lead her to her son, yet all her searches were inconclusive. She had even recruited Admiral Paris, yet nothing was ever found. Kathryn forced herself to let go of her baby that she had never even met._

_Kathryn got up again and stretched, her eyes misty. She slowly made her way to the bathroom, hoping a long, luxurious soak would soothe her. As she neared the hallway, her door chime sounded. She briefly considered ignoring it; it was late, and she was tired. Then again, it was late; it must be important. Who would bother her at such an hour without good reason?_

_Crossing to the front door, she admitted her visitor entrance by stabbing her finger along the keypad. When the doors opened, a young boy stood in the rain, soaking, dripping wet, shivering._

_"May I come in, ma'am?" He said softly._

_Warily, Kathryn nodded and stood to the side, allowing him to enter. He politely took of his soggy sneakers and she hung up his coat._

_"Would you like something to drink?" Kathryn asked._

_The boy's face showed the ghost of a smile. "Hot chocolate, please."_

_Kathryn motioned for him to head towards the living area as she crossed to the adjacent dining room, ordering the two drinks._

_"What can I do for you?" She asked as she sipped her hot drink, eyeing the boy who kept his gaze planted on some place above her shoulder._

_"You're Kathryn Janeway, correct?"_

_At Kathryn's nod, he took a deep breath and continued quickly, flicking his eyes between Kathryn and the floor. "My name is Connor Sitkowski and yesterday my dad told me about my biological mother…I was born on June 12th, 2360 and on my birth certificate it states my name as 'Baby Boy Janeway'." He gulped loudly, shaking slightly. "I think…I'm your son."_

***

"Uhg, Mom! What are you _doing_? Even I spare you that torture!"

Kathryn and Chakotay jerked apart, both flushing, both fumbling. Chakotay looked in the direction of the voice and spotted the young boy lounging against the staircase railing, his face screwed up in amused disgust. _He called her Mom…why did he call her Mom?_

Kathryn stepped forward, taking the boy by the shoulder and pushing him in front of her former first officer. Squeezing his shoulder, she spoke softly. "Chakotay, this is my son, Connor. Connor, this is my first officer."

"Your s-" Chakotay looked back and forth between the pair. He cleared his throat and tried again. "This is your son?"

Kathryn nodded slowly.

***

_"Mom," Connor whined, "I'm really nervous."_

_Kathryn rubbed the boy's shoulders reassuringly. "Connor, don't be nervous; everything will go just fine."_

_Connor leaned into Kathryn and sighed. "But your mother and sister didn't even know about me…and they still don't."_

_"That doesn't mean they won't love you," she sighed, grasping Connor's shoulders in her hands and eyeing him with a steady gaze. "It isn't your fault that I never told them about you. The only person that can be blamed for that is me. They won't hold that against you."_

_"I don't want to make them not like you…"_

_"Sweetheart, you don't need to worry about that. Yes, things may be a little awkward at first, that can't be helped. It will get better…and if it doesn't, well, we don't need them. We have each other, and that's all we really need."_

_"And we have Mark, too."_

_Kathryn gave a strained smile and nodded._

_Looking up at Kathryn, Connor found it hard to believe that he had only met his birth mother two months ago and was on better terms with her than anyone else he thought was his family._

_Years of foster care had torn him down, stripped him of confidence and trust in others. When Connor had first met his mother, it was difficult for him to talk to her and get close to her; he'd seen every kind of hurt. But, she was a warm, caring woman and he quickly asserted himself as a mama's boy._

_Connor forced a smile for his mother's sake. He took a deep, calming breath before nodding resolutely. He looked on anxiously as Kathryn rang the chime to his grandmother's home, where his aunt Phoebe was visiting as well._

_The door opened and there stood an older, plumper version of Connor's mother, smiling warmly at Kathryn, not noticing the boy alongside her at first._

_"Katie! I wish you told me you were coming, I would have made more caramel brow-" Gretchen's forehead furrowed as she realized there was a young man standing beside her daughter. "Who's this?" She asked, smiling nervously, looking at Connor._

_"Mama," Kathryn said, taking a steadying breath. "I need to tell you something."_

_Sitting in the living room, Connor sipped from a delicate teacup, filled with nice, hot chocolate. Inside, he was shaking and his mind was screaming at him to run._

_"You…had a baby, Kathryn?" Gretchen Janeway whispered incredulously. "This is your baby?"_

_Kathryn nodded and took her son's hand, squeezing it reassuringly. She took in her mother and sister's astonished and confused expressions._

_Gretchen gave a bright, watery smile. "Then I guess I've got another grandbaby to stuff with caramel brownies…"_

_Kathryn ignored the heavy stream of tears on her cheeks and sobbed quietly as her mother and sister took Connor into a warm embrace._

***

"Why didn't you tell me about Connor?"

Kathryn fidgeted nervously with a string of the fabric from the couch. "It was just so hard…I finally met him after eleven years of wondering if he survived…then just as we start to be a family, we're separated. I did my best to not think about him, what I left behind,"

"Kathryn, we all left some things behind when we were stranded out there. You helped me through so many things and I wish that you would have let me in and let me help you…" Chakotay said softly, stroking a thick lock of hair away from her face.

Kathryn took a deep breath. "I also was afraid to mention it because I was worried about what you would think…I was engaged and went to bed with another man…"

"Oh sweetheart," Chakotay breathed. "I would never think badly of you…Riker took advantage of you, Kathryn."

Kathryn shuddered and drew her knees up to her chest. "I felt dirty for so long…I hated myself. I couldn't believe that I could do something like that…especially to someone I…thought I loved."

"Justin didn't deserve you, neither of them did. Any man who makes a woman get rid of her child, refuses to let her keep her baby, doesn't deserve any woman. But you know what Kathryn," he tipped her chin up, smiling gently. "You fought for your baby's life, you saved Connor."

Kathryn closed her eyes and felt the tears spill over her lashes and onto her cheeks. "Thank you, Chakotay."

"It's true, honey. I don't ever want you to think badly of yourself, Kathryn. I want you to know that you are a wonderful woman and you're beautiful and I love you."

Kathryn leaned into Chakotay's chest and clung to his neck, fighting her tears. She sighed as she felt Chakotay's warm hands travel up and down her back.

"Did your mother take care of Connor while you were on Voyager?"

Kathryn nodded against his chest, sniffing lightly. "Yes, he stayed in my mother's house, in my old room." She smiled faintly. "He was accepted to the academy when he was sixteen and so he lives in San Francisco during the school year."

"What field is he in?" Chakotay asked, brushing Kathryn's hair away from her face.

"Engineering."

Chakotay raised his eyebrows. "Somehow, I thought he'd be into science," he said, kissing her temple affectionately, "just like his mother."

Kathryn smiled broadly. "Oh, he's been studying quantum mechanics for the last year or so and is taking I don't know how many science classes this year."

Chakotay chuckled. "Of course, quantum mechanics, I should have guessed," he pulled her further into his arms and relaxed against her. "He seems like a good kid; both you and your mother did a good job in raising him."

"Oh, he is a wonderful young man. He had a hard childhood though."

"Really?"

"Yes, he was adopted a few weeks after he was born and the family didn't…take very good care of him," she took a deep breath and bit her lip. "He went through foster care, years of it. He was passed on to different families…"

"What do you mean they didn't… take good care of him?" Chakotay asked cautiously.

Kathryn shook her head. "I…don't think I should say anything…but he was abused…badly."

Chakotay shook his head. "How can anyone harm an innocent child?"

Kathryn sighed loudly. "I don't know…I want to kill whoever hurt my baby."

"How did Mark take to Connor?" Chakotay asked, twirling a wispy curl of auburn hair around his finger.

"They were both nervous, awkward around each other. Mark was very uncomfortable around children, but he did his best, he really tried to be a father for Connor."

"Good, hell of a lot better than Justin."

"I've told Connor a lot about you," she said suddenly, biting her lip as she looked up at him. "He has wanted to meet you ever since he first heard of you."

Chakotay's eyebrows shot up. "Really? What did you tell him?"

"Oh, nothing bad," she assured quickly. "Just that you really helped me through the Delta Quadrant…your people…what kind of man you were…things like that."

Chakotay grinned slyly. "Did you tell him…how you felt about me?"

Kathryn laughed heartily. "Oh no, he knew right away; he confronted me about it, actually. That's part of why he wanted to meet you."

Chakotay grinned down at her, giving her a quick kiss. "Had to make sure I was good enough for his mama?"

Kathryn chuckled, stroking his cheek. "I guess so," her smile faded and she became serious. "Chakotay, if we're going to be together…I hope that you and Connor can…at least be friends. I don't want to push you into being a father to him; I'm not trying to trap you with a child..."

He kissed her cheek. "Sweetheart, I would be honored to be his father…and the father of many more little ones, if that's what you want."

"Oh, Chakotay," she cupped his cheek, tears glistening in her eyes even as she smiled at him. "I've always wanted your babies."

Chakotay smiled and leaned down to kiss her, his mouth moving slowly over hers. When the kiss ended, Kathryn extricated herself from Chakotay's arms as she heard her son entering the living room.

"Mom, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Connor," she smiled, wiping her cheeks. "Come sit down by me, honey."

Connor complied, taking the seat next to his mother and he smiled at both her and Chakotay. "I'm guessing that he's going to be…staying over...often," Connor said, addressing his mother.

Kathryn blushed and grinned ruefully at her son. "Does that bother you?"

"Of course not," he said honestly, blue eyes gleaming. "You're my mother and I want you to be happy and if Chakotay makes you happy and treats you well…" he smiled. "I'm just fine with it."

Kathryn smiled tenderly, fighting her tears. "Thank you, baby," she whispered, taking her son into her arms.

"I love you, Mom."

Kathryn pulled back and stroked Connor's dark hair off his forehead. She was slightly surprised-though pleasantly- when Connor moved to embrace Chakotay.

"Welcome to the family," Connor whispered.

***

_"What time do you want me to pick Connor up tomorrow?" Mark asked, kissing Kathryn's forehead._

_"Around 0900 will be fine," she yawned. "He doesn't have school tomorrow."_

_"I'm going to miss you so much, Kathryn," Mark murmured as he pulled her into his arms and sighing into her hair._

_She flashed a tense smile. "I'll miss you too, Mark."_

_Mark gave her a squeeze, stepping back. "I'd better go."_

_"I'll see you in a couple of weeks," she said softly, accepting the quick kiss he placed on her lips._

_"Bye, Kath," Mark said, smiling tenderly._

_"Goodbye, Mark," Connor called out from the hallway._

_Involuntarily, Mark stiffened, immediately uncomfortable. "I'll see you tomorrow, kid," he said before shutting the door._

_Kathryn turned around and spotted her son, barely clothed in what he classified as pajamas, standing in the hallway, looking on expectantly._

_"Connor, you're supposed to be in bed," she chastised, ruffling his hair._

_"I can't get to sleep," Connor revealed quietly._

_"Why's that?"_

_"I'm worried about you, Mom," he said solemnly._

_"Sweetheart, don't be worried. This mission is just like any other," she lied, taking her son's bare shoulders in her hands, steering him towards his bedroom._

_"Mom, I know you're being sent to the Badlands…and I know how dangerous that place is," he whispered._

_"Connor, how did you find that out?" Kathryn said sternly._

_He avoided her gaze, looking down at his feet, before he plopped on the bed. "I got into the Starfleet LCARS database and looked up your ship," he gestured towards her vaguely, "and found out where you were headed."_

_"Connor," she sighed dejectedly. "You know you're not supposed to do that…"_

_He ignored her short lecture and echoed her sigh with his. "Why are you going to capture the crew of The Liberty?"_

_Kathryn stroked Connor's hair back and grasped his hand with hers. "They betrayed the Federation."_

_Connor laced his fingers with hers. "How?"_

_"They abandoned the Federation's ideals and disregarded our laws by running off and joining The Maquis."_

_"The Federation fights for its principles, right?" Connor asked quietly. At his mother's nod, he continued. "Isn't that what the Maquis are doing? Fighting for what they think is right?"_

_"Connor, I can't argue with you; I don't think that the Federation should be hunting down the Maquis, either. There are bigger threats in the Alpha Quadrant…but there isn't anything I can do anything about it. When I took command of Voyager, I knew I couldn't decide what my missions would entail."_

_Connor seemed satisfied with his mother's answer and he reached again for her hand. "Mom, when will you be back?"_

_"In a couple of weeks, at the most a month."_

_"Do you promise?" Connor whispered so quietly Kathryn thought she imagined it. He looked up at her, tears evident in his bright blue eyes. Here was her tough little boy looking as vulnerable as a kitten._

_She smiled tenderly, kissing his forehead. "I'll do my best, baby."_

_He shook his head against the pillows. "Do you promise? I already ran away from my old family, I can't go back there and I can't lose you again, Mama..."_

_"I promise," she said, wishing she hadn't._

_5 MONTHS LATER._

_Connor sprinted up the stairs to Mark's apartment, gasping with the effort of tugging his book bag and saxophone case along with him. With his elbow, Connor stabbed at the keypad and grunted with triumph as the door slid open. Gratefully, he clunked his cargo on the floor by the hall closet, kicking off his shoes and removing his jacket. He skipped into the living room yet stopped dead in his tracks when he spotted Mark on the couch, his face in his hands._

_"Mark?" Connor whispered as he cautiously made his way towards the living area._

_The man in question stiffened sharply-as he always did when Connor was around- and wiped hastily at his cheeks. "Come sit down, boy, I need to talk to you."_

_Connor complied automatically and warily made his way towards the chair opposite Mark. Does he not know my name? He thought irritably, he's never called me by it, anyway…_

_"What's going on?" Connor asked as he took a seat._

_"Kathryn's gone," Mark whispered._

_"What?" Connor said, dumbfounded._

_"Your mother," Mark clarified, "she's missing, she's gone."_

_"But…Mom said she would be home…" Connor whispered fearfully, not believing Mark's words._

_"Kid, she isn't coming home. She's gone…her ship went missing a few months ago…I just couldn't bring myself to tell you; I didn't know how…but she's gone….and I don't think she's coming back." Mark combed his fingers through his graying brown hair and sighed disconsolately._

_"But she promised me…"_

_"Look, kid, I don't care what she said," Mark said abrasively. "She isn't coming back…"_

_"But…" Connor resisted the childish urge to remind Mark that tomorrow was his birthday. She was supposed to be there for his birthday…_

_"There are no damn 'buts' about it!" Previously wimpy Mark yelled, shooting up from the couch and stalking to his bedroom._

_Numb, Connor stood up from the chair and slowly made his way to his own room. Snatching the suitcase from his shelf, he tore open his drawers, stuffing belongings messily into his luggage. He took the picture of him and his mother off of his nightstand and packed it away as well. When he spotted the photograph of Mark and him standing uncomfortably together, unsmiling, he seized it from the shelf and hurled it against the wall._

_On the way out of his bedroom, Connor grabbed his grandmother's address from off his desk, just in case. He made his way to the hallway closet, picking up his schoolwork and textbooks, slipping on his shoes and jacket before he grasped his saxophone._

_Connor stopped, eyeing the front door as if it were an animal about to jump him. Looking over his shoulder, he surveyed his temporary residence; just as his previous homes had been; short-term, fake. He fell into this, believing that life would change for the better. He kicked at the keypad by the front door and watched critically as it slid open before him._

_He didn't know where he was going; he didn't know where he'd stay, or who he'd stay with for that matter. Stepping through the entryway, Connor stepped away from Mark, stepped away from his hopes of a life that would lead him to success and happiness. He stepped away from a life of empty, broken promises and lies._

_Everyone lied to him. His 'parents' lied to him when they called him their son. His foster families lied to him when they said they loved him. Kathryn lied to him when she said she would always be there for him, be his mother. Mark lied when he said he'd try to be a father, a good one at that. Who could ever want a pathetic little orphan like him?_

_His momma lied to him when she said she loved him._

***

"Are you nervous?" Chakotay asked, taking a sidelong glance at Connor.

"Yeah," Connor admitted. "Are you?"

"Hell yes. Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Of course…don't you?"

"Definitely," Chakotay said, eyeing the doors of the turbolift. Finally, they opened.

The pair headed down the hallway, stopping at the third door on the left. Taking a deep breath, they walked through.

"Ah, there you are," a man in a suit smiled. "I was just about to call you. Please, sit down."

Stiffly, both Connor and Chakotay took their seats.

"Now, are you positive you want to do this?" Peter Sellers asked. "Formalizing adoption is a huge undertaking. You will be completely responsible for your son."

Chakotay nodded solemnly. "I know."

"And Connor, are you sure this is what you want to do?"

"Yes sir."

Sellers heaved a great sigh, regarding both of the men sitting across from him seriously. "All right. This is very unusual for a boy your age," Peter nodded towards Connor. "I have some paperwork to fill out, so if you two can please tell me the reason for this adoption?"

"Connor is my wife's son," Chakotay said, smiling, fiddling nervously with his wedding ring.

***

_Connor trudged along the road at an amazingly sluggish pace, his suitcase and saxophone in his hands. It was getting too close to dinnertime for Connor's comfort, and he increased his speed._

_He was originally going to reside at one of his foster parents' homes, but he quickly realized that was a bad idea. They hadn't wanted him then, and they certainly wouldn't want him now. The orphanage was ruled out as well; they would immediately put him into a foster home to be with his 'family'. Instead, he trudged onward._

_He couldn't believe that his mother was gone, that she was missing and most likely dead. Connor knew that the area around the Badlands were not safe in any way, the Maquis were targeting Starfleet vessels, and if truth be told, so were the Cardassians. Connor did a report on the controversial alliance between Cardassia and the Federation; he knew what was going on and what his mother had gotten into. _

_Every night he prayed that she hadn't been captured. She would be better off dead._

_Connor felt the sting of tears in his eyes. He shook himself, trying not to think about his mother in such a place. Instead, he tried to concentrate on where he was going, and not getting lost._

_He looked to the left and spotted the familiar corn fields. Smiling faintly, Connor thought of his mother taking him there the first time. They'd had a picnic, complete with caramel brownies, and he and his cousins had played hide-and-seek for hours. _

_Finally, Connor arrived at his destination. He nearly ran the way down the path, and up the stairs and onto the porch. He dropped his suitcase and raised his fist to knock on the door. He waited expectantly, excitedly, waiting for the door to swing open. _

_It didn't open. After five minutes, it didn't open. He waited…and waited. It still didn't open. Frustrated, he moved to go down the stairs, unsure of where he could go now. He felt the tears behind his eyes again and he let them fall. His mother was gone, the orphanage couldn't take him, his foster parents didn't want him, Mark didn't want him…_

_"Connor?" He heard behind him._

_Surprised, he whisked around, spotting the woman standing just outside the doorway. Her eyes were red and puffy; she must've just gotten the news. Dropping his belongings he ran to her._

_"Grandma!" He cried burying his face in her belly like a toddler. "She's gone, she's gone, how could she leave…?"_

_"Oh, Connor," Gretchen whispered, kneeling down to her grandson's level to take him into her arms. _

_"Why doesn't anyone want me? Why doesn't mama love me?" Connor blubbered. He didn't care if he sounded like a baby, he just wanted a family to love him and take care of him. "Why doesn't she love me…?"_

_"It'll be okay," Gretchen whispered. _

_"No it won't! I don't have anyone! No one wants a brat like me! Not even my mama! I don't have a family to go home to!"_

_"Shush now," Gretchen cooed, blinking back the sting of tears in her eyes. "I'm your family now."_

***

"I am never going to let you touch me again, Chakotay!"

"Kathryn-"

"Goodness, Mom, give the guy a break," Connor smiled.

"Oh, you shush, y-" Kathryn stopped abruptly, doubling over in pain.

"Ow, Kathryn you're hurting me," Chakotay complained, trying to twist his hand out of his wife's grip.

"It's your fault to start with!" Kathryn panted.

"My fault?" Chakotay squawked indignantly. "I believe it takes two to tango and you sure weren't complaining at the time!"

"Well no," Kathryn allowed, screwing up her eyes. "Not that you would be able to hear me over your own grunting!"

"I do not need to hear about my parents' sex lives!" Connor whined.

"I don't need to hear about their sex life either," The Doctor said petulantly. "Now, Captain, the baby is almost out, just one more push."

"You can do it, honey, our daughter wants to meet us," Chakotay whispered in her ear, stroking her sweat soaked hair away from her face. He winced as she squeezed his hand again, watching her bare down to deliver their child.

A sharp cry pierced the air as the little one emerged. Kathryn collapsed against the bed sheets, exhausted and panting.

"Commander, would you like to cut the cord?"

"Yes…yes, please," Chakotay said reverently as the doctor handed him a strange looking surgical device.

"Push that button," the Doctor directed.

Chakotay moved quickly to the foot of the bed and did as he was told, all the while marveling at the life he and Kathryn had created. Once the doctor whisked the wailing baby away to the scanning station, Chakotay moved back to his wife.

"Honey, our daughter is perfect."

"Oh, she is?" Kathryn gasped.

"She's wonderful."

"Here we go," the Doctor said, smiling, handing a pink bundle to Kathryn. "Here's one healthy baby girl Janeway, 2.83 kilograms, 49 centimeters long and just what the Doctor ordered."

Kathryn's face immediately took on a look of adoration. "She's beautiful. Look at her, Chakotay…"

"She's just perfect," Chakotay said with wonder, not caring about the tears in his eyes.

"Connor, come and meet your sister," Kathryn said, smiling at her son.

Connor made his way to the side of the bed opposite Chakotay, marveling at this tiny life. "She is pretty, isn't she?"

"Oh, yes," Chakotay whispered. Their daughter, no longer screaming looked between the three of them with green-blue eyes.

"I wonder if she'll have your dimples," Kathryn mused aloud. "I sure hope so…"

Chakotay chuckled and kissed Kathryn's temple. "Who knows?"

"So, are you still going to name her Madeline?" Connor asked, stroking the drowsing baby's head, covered in a thin sprinkling of light brown hair.

Kathryn looked up at her husband. "I think so. What do you think, Chakotay? And we need a middle name for her…"

"I love the name Madeline," Chakotay said, kissing the top of Kathryn's head. "I was, well, thinking of a middle name…it was one of my baby sister's name…"

Kathryn immediately noticed his hesitancy. Chakotay was very sensitive when it came to his heritage and his family. She kissed his cheek and smiled at him. "What is it?"

"Aylen," he said softly. "It means happiness in my native language."

"I like it," Connor spoke up.

"It's very pretty," Kathryn said, looking down at her little girl. "Aylen it is."

"Madeline Aylen Janeway. It's a beautiful name," Chakotay smiled. He leaned back against the wall facing the bed as his son moved to hold the newest addition to their family. Both Kathryn and Connor cooed at the little baby, smiling as Madeline gurgled in response.

Connor was initially surprised by the pregnancy. He hadn't known of any plans of his mother's to increase their family, but Connor was glad to have a younger sibling to fuss over.

He was even happier that his mother had married Chakotay. Connor knew that his mother's life wasn't a bed of roses. Getting pregnant with another man's baby while engaged is not the easiest thing to deal with, and being forced to get rid of her baby nearly killed her along with her father's death. Chakotay had brought a peace about his mother that Connor had never witnessed, there was a twinkle in her eye since their relationship began.

In the short year and a half that his mother and Chakotay had been together, Connor had experienced a real family. He had a mother and a father that loved him, would die for him and would die for each other. Now, he even had a baby sister to take care of.

Throughout everything, Connor realized he never should have doubted his mother's love. She thought of him daily since the moment he was born, wondering if he was alive or not, wondering if she would ever come across him in the street or see him in a graveyard as 'Baby Boy Janeway'.

Now, he had parents that loved him, loved each other and would die for him and one another. He had a supportive family that would comfort him when times were tough or come together to celebrate all the wonderful things in their lives.

And perhaps best of all, his grandmother still made him hot chocolate and caramel brownies even though he was dangerously close to being in his twenties.

No…the best part was that his mama did love him after all.

The End


End file.
